Joe Jencks

Auto Mechanically Declined

from What Kind Of Brother

Written: 04/1998 for Kaleb (1988 Toyota 4-Runner) on the way home from PSGW.  Sadly he is no longer with us…but I hope he found a new owner with better mastery of basic wrench skills.  Also, for Tom & Ray at "Car Talk."  Thanks for your humor and wisdom.

I'm driving down the highway and my car begins to shake
I don't know whether I should push the clutch or push the break
A most peculiar odor comes a-wafting to my nose
Is it a leaky gasket or a radiator hose
The fluid level's perfect and the temperature seems fine
But suddenly a disconcerting thought runs through my mind
For I know if I should break down in the middle of nowhere
All that I can do is pop the hood and just sit there and stare, because I'm

Auto mechanically declined, auto mechanically declined
With an automatic or a stick, either way I'm up a creek
I'm auto mechanically declined

When I was just a boy my father sat me on his knee
Explained to me how engines work with "great simplicity"
A piston it moves up and down in side a metal tube
All it takes is coolant and a little bit of lube
A gasoline explosion gives us power, gives us sound
In turn, rotates the drive shaft and that makes the wheels go 'round
It's really rather simple it's not voodoo to the wise
But I still think mechanics are which-doctors in disguise, because I'm

Auto mechanically declined, auto mechanically declined
With an automatic or a stick, either way I'm up a creek
I'm auto mechanically declined

I know where to put the oil, I know where to put the gas
Where to put the wiper fluid, and just where to set my glass
But when it comes to trouble-shooting, then I call out "Work for hire!"
All that I can do is watch for smoke and see what's caught on fire, because I'm

Auto mechanically declined, auto mechanically declined
With an automatic or a stick, either way I'm up a creek
I'm auto mechanically declined

© 1998 Joe Jencks

updated: 8 years ago